Sunday, August 30, 2009

My Dear John Letter

Dear Food,

I hope you can forgive me for doing this in a letter. It's hard for me to say the things that I need to, and I know that I might falter if I try to have this one-sided discussion with you face to face. We've been together for so long. You mean so much to me. I know that I wouldn't ever be able to survive without you. But, I think you've been dishonest with me. You made me think that the more time we spent together, the happier I would be. For a while, it was true. So many happy moments, joyful times and sweet, sweet morsels. Great memories. I love to introduce you to my friends. And you're always so willing to let me dress you up or change you around. I can get you all fixed up and take you places. People LOVE you! And then they love me for sharing you.

But over the last few weeks, especially, I've been feeling like you're taking over. You're so busy looking good and being great, that I've completely stopped taking care of myself. I've allowed you to take control. Now, I'm tired all the time. I'm sluggish. My self-esteem has been damaged. I've had to change my clothes, even. And you completely took my good friend Gym away from me. I haven't seen Gym in so long. We used to get together 5 or 6 times a week!

This week I was particularly not feeling well and I tried to spend time with you - expecting that you would make me feel better. But instead, I realized that it only made me feel worse. You aren't as sweet and lovely as you used to be.

I hope that we can still be friends. Obviously, we can't end our relationship entirely. Civility may be our only route from here. I hope you can forgive me and I know you won't miss me as much as I'll miss you, but I know you can find someone else. You really can be so irresistible.

Best of luck,



Tracy said...

does this mean Costa Vida too?

Landee said...

Wait, and CFA??

I need to Dear John a few things as well.... reading your letter was therapeutic for me, how was it to write it?

Food...can't live with it, can't live without it. Ugh.

StandsMom said...

No. Costa Vida is a healthy food choice, I believe. As long as I have the small. Ahem. CFA is going to be okay too, but (gulp) I have to break up with the waffle fries. It's really going to hurt.

Memzy said...

you. kill. me.

danandcami said...

I am with you!! Loved the letter, food is so difficult to find a proper balance with! Love ya

The McLaughlin's said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
The McLaughlin's said...


Landee said...

Thank you Martha!! THAT is who this Dear John should be written to!!!

Dear Regular Coke,

You are killing me softly. Your counterpart, Diet Coke, is just as tasty...especially with a little lemon or lime squeezed in.

We're through.



^^cut & paste.

The McLaughlin's said...

Landee, I completely agree! I have retired my fully leaded pop for the unleaded version. I was pleasantly surprised at the refreshing taste of the unleaded! Standsmom...could you please jump on board already?!

Jenny ESP said...

But what about your cake with the sour frosting? You better post-date that letter.

StandsMom said...

I can say with complete honesty that I only had the slightest nibble of cake and one finger lick of frosting. Otherwise, I stood strong. :)